| The back-to-school sales advertised in newspapers | | | | model of last year. This year's model seems exactly |
| and on television obviously mean one thing: Matlock | | | | the same." And that is true, but consider this: do you |
| was a fairly popular show, especially among older | | | | want to be the laughing stock at school for something |
| Americans. Besides this, though, one can infer that | | | | besides wearing your underwear on the wrong side of |
| many will soon be shopping for school supplies -- the | | | | your pants? |
| usual, like pencils, pens and notebooks. But whether | | | | I didn't think so... |
| you are the shopper or the shoppee, it is important to | | | | Finally, I also see a need this year to buy Scantron |
| keep in mind that school survival cannot possibly occur | | | | sheets. The surge of text messaging has eliminated |
| this year without some additional supplies... | | | | most students' abilities to form long sentences. Thus, |
| To begin, the 2005-06 scholastic year is a ten-month | | | | pass notes this year by using self-produced |
| period when writing with charcoal will make a | | | | multiple-choice tests. Need a starter question? Try this: |
| comeback after a brief 2000-year absence. With the | | | | Q: This is boring, huh? |
| rise in gas prices, people will need to save money | | | | Choices: |
| somehow, and that means using leftover barbeque | | | | 1. My gosh, it's like watching paint dry. |
| supplies. I won't even get into what will happen with the | | | | 2. Gee whiz, it's like watching paint dry. |
| extra lighter fluid and shish kabob skewers, but I would | | | | 3. Yikes, it's like watching paint dry. |
| suggest hiding hamsters -- right now. Please, for the | | | | 4. Other. |
| sake of humanity: now... | | | | With this new list of school necessities now revealed, |
| After stocking up on additional charcoal and likely a | | | | the only wonder is how much traffic there will be once |
| charcoal eraser, otherwise known as your hand, | | | | people realize these needs. But just remember: there is |
| consider buying this year's newest graphing calculator. | | | | still a month left until school starts. That leaves plenty |
| You may be thinking, "But I just bought the newest | | | | of time to procrastinate... |