| As any experienced teacher will know, conflicts with | | | | even some trial and error, but you will begin to notice |
| one or more of our students sometimes occur. It's | | | | changes and things will get easier. |
| inevitable. Call it a part of human interaction, whatever, | | | | Firstly, you need to remain present and just observe |
| the simply thing is, we don't agree with one another | | | | what is happening without feeling the need to do |
| and an argument or conflict situation can ensue. | | | | anything. Do not give in to the tantrum or bad behavior. |
| Nothing damages the management and classroom | | | | Giving in to bad behavior lets the child learn that the |
| discipline more than a tense stand off between a | | | | emotions and thoughts can be used to get what they |
| student and a teacher. Remaining calm and collected | | | | want. You deliberately do nothing and simply ride it out. |
| while inside is a rising volcano is a tall order in some | | | | Of course you take action if safety becomes a |
| situations, it is also a requirement for a teacher. | | | | concern. You may need to do something to stop a |
| Blowing your top can cause irreversible damage to | | | | fight or protect others. The important thing is to do it |
| relationships, your authority and even self-dignity. I | | | | without any added emotion or anger. |
| know I felt terrible the last time it happened. Fortunately, | | | | The second step is where it all starts to happen. |
| it was the last time and since I have never had the | | | | Sometime after the event, an hour or even the next |
| situation occur. I also know it will never happen again. | | | | day, you begin talking with them about what happened. |
| In terms of developing closer and stronger relationships | | | | It is a time for developing their own ability to observe |
| with your students, it is important to also know how to | | | | what was going on for them. Ask them to describe |
| handle students that may not have the same control | | | | what it feels like. Ask them what made them lose |
| over their emotions and outbursts adults do. However, | | | | control. What would they call it? What does it look like? |
| when a child blows their top a bit, we can use this as | | | | For a younger child you could have them draw a |
| an opportunity to learn from it, together. | | | | picture. Get them to give the situation a name or |
| In this article I will focus on ways to model and teach | | | | something they could call it. Ask them if they think it |
| children how to manage the negative emotions and | | | | may happen again? If it was a fight they were |
| thoughts that arise without being overcome by them. It | | | | involved in, ask them what happened that triggered |
| leads to more personal responsibility and the goal is to | | | | their reaction. What happened when the feeling went |
| start replacing blame and wrong actions with the | | | | away? |
| willingness to self correct and make amends if needed. | | | | You could also talk about when the same happens to |
| It also opens up a space of deeper relationship with | | | | you. You could also ask them if you could help them |
| your students. | | | | recognize when it starts to happen again. |
| One could say most kids are really connected with life. | | | | Finally you could ask them if they feel they would like |
| They are able to appreciate anything in every given | | | | to do something to make up for what they did? You |
| moment. But what happens when things go awry? | | | | could encourage them to do it together with you. |
| They get upset, angry or even throw a tantrum or get | | | | The next time it begins you then ask them if they are |
| in a fight or argument. It seems their emotions and | | | | losing control again? Or using the name they gave it, |
| thoughts have taken control. | | | | tell them "It's starting again isn't it?" |
| So, what is the best way to deal with these situations | | | | When you do this repeatedly, they will begin to |
| and build more awareness and responsibility our | | | | recognize it for themselves and correct it. Let them |
| children? The answer lies in how WE respond to | | | | know it is ok to acknowledge if they are angry or |
| these situations. The most important thing I will say | | | | upset, but that it doesn't have to take control of them. |
| here is that you need to separate the child from the | | | | Lastly, it is up to you to model this behaviour. |
| situation. Our own judgments must be put aside. We | | | | As an anecdote, notice how your relationship develops |
| develop what is called the witness viewpoint within | | | | with them? Are you feeling more connected? Are |
| ourselves as a first step. | | | | your judgments fading? |
| After I learned the following technique I used it in all my | | | | The next article in this series we will look at the role |
| classes, programs and camps as a means of conflict | | | | compassion, decision-making abilities and problem |
| resolution and behaviour management. It takes | | | | solving skills play in developing strong trusting |
| patience on the part of the adult and the willingness to | | | | relationships with your students. |
| develop this ability in yourself. It will take practice and | | | | Till then, enjoy exploring. |