| Conflicts over money can fatally damage your | | | | either create a strong bond in your relationship or drive |
| relationships. In surveys with couple's money even | | | | a wedge between you. It all depends on how you |
| ranks as one of the biggest reasons why married | | | | handle the conversation. You must both be completely |
| couples fight and can even be the catalyst for couples | | | | honest. |
| separating. | | | | 2. Accept Responsibility |
| For many of us today, just covering the costs of the | | | | A very important aspect of this conversation must be |
| basics has become a struggle. We are fighting about | | | | the willingness on both of your parts to accept full |
| an array of things including rising fuel prices, higher cost | | | | responsibly for where you are. This means to accept |
| of groceries, never ending charges for the kids' school | | | | full blame for all of the things that each of you did that |
| supplies and those mortgage costs that continue to go | | | | may have caused the current situation and to accept |
| up. | | | | responsibility for the actions you both need to take to |
| This stress can cause all of us in relationships to boil | | | | remedy it. |
| over as we look to one another to blame for the | | | | This conversation can be challenging and painful. But it |
| problems. Oftentimes, these stressors cause us to | | | | can also be rewarding and profitable. You might even |
| bring up financial, as well as other, "sins of the past". | | | | see your relationship begin to change for the better |
| The way to deal with the stress around money is to | | | | once you deal with the underlying negative thoughts |
| talk about it. Most of us avoid this conversation at all | | | | and emotions. |
| costs. Why? Because the very act of raising the topic | | | | Begin this conversation with a spirit of openness. If you |
| involves stress! Most of us would rather just avoid the | | | | set the tone in the beginning of this conversation with a |
| conversation altogether and hope it will somehow | | | | positive attitude and approach, things should go much |
| magically all get better. But guess what? It won't get | | | | better. And regardless of the issues that must be |
| better; and will continue to get worse unless you deal | | | | discussed, mutual respect is very important for |
| with it. | | | | continuing to build a healthy relationship. |
| Three Steps to Having the Money Conversation: | | | | 2. Moving On |
| 1. Do A Reality Check | | | | At some point, both of you may need to "agree to |
| Firstly realize that delaying this conversation will result in | | | | disagree" over something from the past and move on. |
| more pain later. Money problems do not go away by | | | | Being the bigger person can save you frustration and |
| themselves. If you put off having these important | | | | further future financial problems. |
| conversations with your partner they'll only get worse. | | | | It might be helpful for you and your partner to schedule |
| If you're getting deeper and deeper in debt each | | | | regular "money meetings" and to even establish a |
| month, then every month that goes by just means | | | | budget for you both to follow. You may even begin to |
| even more debt. You must make a decision that you | | | | make some progress in your financial life as you have |
| will initiate this crucial conversation about money now | | | | these talks more often and begin to really control your |
| so that you can actually have less pain later. | | | | finances with a clear plan in place. It might even open |
| Ask for a calm and honest conversation with your | | | | the way for you to talk about other important issues |
| partner about money. This conversation should be | | | | again or maybe even for the first time. |
| initiated from a sincere concern about your direction as | | | | While showing respect, you may have to address |
| a couple. Your partner should not be made to feel like | | | | serious spending problems and other issues. The key |
| they are being cross-examined. Otherwise, they will be | | | | here is to focus on resetting where you are heading. |
| on the defensive before the conversation even begins. | | | | Money problems created in the past cannot be |
| Expect to share all your "spending secrets" with your | | | | erased, but you can start over with a new plan for the |
| partner. Most often we see all the financial failings of | | | | future. In my next article I will speak more about |
| others, but we conveniently forget about our own. | | | | problem solving and show you a step by step process |
| Your conversation about money has the potential to | | | | to apply to any issue you might have. |