| Like most parents, I try to do everything to get my | | | | rewards after homework is completed, and may |
| children ready for school each year: Register them, | | | | provide the extra incentive your child needs to get |
| pay fees, buy school supplies and new clothes, check | | | | through a boring and tedious task. |
| out their new classroom, and talk with them about how | | | | Insisting on Long Study Sessions |
| much fun the upcoming school year will be. It seems | | | | "You will sit here until all your homework is done" - this |
| like we should be all set - except for my usual worries | | | | can feel overwhelming to children and create |
| about how good of a "homework coach" I will be | | | | resistance, resulting in conflict. Instead, schedule 10-15 |
| during the year, trying to help my children be | | | | minutes of study time, followed by a 5-min. break, then |
| successful in school and enjoy life-long learning. | | | | another 15 minutes of study. Repeat as often as |
| As parents, we often approach our children's school | | | | necessary to complete homework. Children actually |
| performance and school success with anxiety and | | | | get more done that way. |
| tension. We want our children to succeed so they feel | | | | Grounding Children for Missed Assignments and Poor |
| happy about their accomplishments and have better | | | | Grades |
| opportunities in the future. But we also have the | | | | This is not effective for helping them do better in the |
| nagging feeling that if our child doesn't do well in school, | | | | future. Instead, use problem solving ("What would help |
| it will reflect poorly on us as parents. We feel | | | | you do better next time?"), offer support, and give |
| pressured to make sure they DO succeed. Often, with | | | | them incentives for good performance (extra |
| the best of intentions, we end up using exactly the | | | | privileges, special rewards). |
| wrong strategies: | | | | Not Communicating With Teachers |
| Nagging and Lecturing | | | | This means two-way communication: Let the teacher |
| Parents usually don't start nagging children about | | | | know early on how they can best support your child's |
| homework and study habits until there is a problem | | | | learning (how does your child learn best?) -then ask |
| (e.g., being sloppy with homework, or not wanting to do | | | | the teacher periodically, "What's the best thing I can do |
| homework at all). Nagging only makes the problem | | | | to help my child with this subject at home?" Don't wait |
| worse because your child will either get angry at you | | | | until parent-teacher conferences to find out how your |
| or tune you out. Instead, try to problem-solve together | | | | child is doing, or what kinds of problems need to be |
| with your child. Ask them to come up with several | | | | corrected. |
| ideas on their own for how to improve this situation. | | | | Overfocusing on Grades and Test Scores |
| Brainstorm about how to make homework more fun. | | | | When children get the message that grades are all |
| Try out at least one of their ideas and discuss how it | | | | that counts, they quickly lose interest in the process of |
| worked. | | | | discovery and learning, and instead focus only on the |
| Taking Over | | | | outcome. If they can't achieve the expected grade or |
| You don't trust your child to get things done right, so | | | | score, they end up feeling bad which usually does not |
| you tell them what to do, when and how. This may | | | | increase their motivation to do better. Children also |
| work in the short run but doesn't teach children to | | | | need to hear from us that success comes in many |
| become independent learners who take responsibility | | | | forms. Some students will excel in sports, drama, |
| for their work. Instead of taking over, help your child | | | | music, or art; some develop excellent leadership skills, |
| figure out what they need to do by asking questions: | | | | good citizenship, become peer mediators, or relate well |
| "What will you do? When will you do it? How will I | | | | to animals. Whatever your child's strengths are, be |
| know? How do you want me to hold you accountable | | | | sure you focus on those talents more than you focus |
| for this?" | | | | on their grades. |
| Focusing on the Future Benefits of School | | | | Sticking Only to the Curriculum |
| As parents, we know how important a good education | | | | As long as children learn what's expected of them in |
| will be later in life. Just don't expect your children to be | | | | school, that's good enough, right? Chances are that this |
| motivated by this idea; they are more focused on the | | | | year's school curriculum doesn't exactly match his or |
| here and now and give little thought to the future. To | | | | her own interests and curiosity (maybe they are into |
| motivate them, focus on the immediate benefits of | | | | whales and sharks, space travel, jungle life, airplanes, |
| learning (having fun, developing new skills, and ability to | | | | etc). Encourage children's natural love for learning by |
| play team sports in school if grades are good.) | | | | asking, "If you could learn about anything you wanted |
| Leaving Homework for the End of the Day | | | | to, what would you like to learn?" - then provide them |
| If homework is scheduled too late in the evening, with | | | | with books, videos, trips to museums, and (most |
| only bedtime to follow and no time to play, children | | | | importantly) adult conversations about those topics. |
| won't be motivated to be efficient, and also won't | | | | Not Modeling Life-Long Learning |
| want to go to bed since they haven't had any fun yet. | | | | Do your children see you interested and enthusiastic |
| Increase your children's motivation to complete | | | | about learning, studying, and achieving? Do you read |
| homework by giving them something to look forward | | | | books at home? Go to museums? Look things up? |
| to afterwards. Favorite TV shows, videogames, talking | | | | Talk about new ideas? Remember that our children |
| on the phone, or having a special snack are all great | | | | are always watching what we are doing. |